I originally wrote this title to be "Finding the I in Single", but as I began to write I realized that I've already been here.
I'm happy, satisfied, and content as a single women. Keeping the I means so much more then just finding it.
I left a husband of 10 years at the end of 2019. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life, but it was the right choice for both of us. Since then I have found myself in a journey to discover who I am as an adult, and who I want to be in future years. April 2022 and I'm proud of the discoveries I made and the ones I continue to make.
I tried on a few relationships last year but they were short lived. I'm not sure 'relationship' could even qualify as a word to describe them. However, in November I found myself sitting across from a man who shared so many similar interests and life experiences it made the night breeze by in a comfortable haze of nerves and giddiness. We immediately fell into a loving and cherished relationship.
I look back at the months spent with this man with fondness and smile knowing that once again I was taught a very important life lesson. I was in Love and wanted our lives to intertwine but even in the greatest love stories each person is still their own individual person. Together they become a great love story combining their individual thoughts, joys, and personalities. If one person lost their individual personality then it's just a one sided love story. This is where I learned you cannot lose yourself, who you are as an individual, even in the greatest moments of happiness.
I was in love with a man for the first time in years, but I had found another love long before him. Writing.
My writing, and work is a passion that to me is it's own love story. If a man falls in love with me he is essentially falling in love with my passion. If I lose that passion then what is there left of me?
I was no longer single but that doesn't mean you lose the "I" entirely. I was learning to keep my personal interests, passions, and individuality alive and in practice. This wasn't an easy process; there is still much to learn, but ultimately I am grateful for such an extraordinary experience of love. Being in love with my partner and maintaining love for my passions.
Unfortunately, it was not meant to last forever with this man. We did say goodbye after 5 months, but I walk away with a content heart knowing that I am if not the same person I was 5 months ago at least a better version; and next time I step into love I can take these lessons with me. I will remember how to keep the "I" from when I was single.