You are so brave and great for sharing your story. It can be healing to admit these things have happened to us. I know Exactly the feeling of holding a knife to the abdomen. I remember the point, the edge of the blade; and I wondered if a hole was already made in my shirt. Can I push a little harder, a little harder until it hurts more and would more pain take the pain away? I'm thrilled and happy to know you did not go through with this attempt of life. Just as I am happy and thrilled for myself. It was not the only time I had suicidal moment but today I can look back and know that I survived! I am stronger today then I was back then. I will take that experience to be a person I respect. I cannot control the actions of my family and it hurts they feel it is okay to shun so many from their lives, but moving beyond them had allowed me to be happy. For me I know this is a real version of happy, and it's a feeling they will not know. I am sad for them, but we can only control ourselves and I want a life different then the one I grew up with. We will talk again soon. Gotta run. Nice to meet you!!!